The Ashtanga Diva

You all know I teach fitness classes, right? Mainly dance and kickboxing, plus the occasional muscle conditioning class. When I first began upping my yoga practice, I dabbled in the idea of possibly enrolling in a teacher training program so I could add yoga to the repertoire of formats I teach. But the more I took classes, the more I realized that maybe teaching yoga isn’t necessarily for me. And here are the reasons why.

1. Yoga teachers have memories like elephants. They know hundreds of words that all end in “asana” and know the difference between each one. Me? I can barely remember my grocery list.
2. Yoga teachers are an articulate bunch. They can cue precise alignment and body parts simply by telling their students (“Step your right foot forward to a high lunge. Take your hands in prayer position, then bend forward and place your left elbow outside your right knee”.) Me? Verbal cuing is a definite challenge, especially since I don’t know my right from my left. I’m more used to the visual cuing that is the norm for regular group fitness classes. Show, not tell, which ironically is also the commandment to fiction writers. But not in yoga. Yoga teachers tell, not show. Oh, sometimes they show too, but they verbally cue most of the time.
3. Yoga teachers don’t yell at their students.  I do, especially during kickboxing. My style is more drill sergeant than gentle guru.
4. Yoga teachers believe in universal peace, love and harmony. And, um, I don’t. I like guns. I don’t tolerate shit. If someone offends me I usually don’t hesitate to kick their ass.
5. Yoga teachers are precise. To properly get you into a pose, they know exactly which body parts they want you to engage and contract and relax. I’m just not that detail oriented.
6. Yoga teachers don’t seem to mind if they don’t get a workout while teaching class. See, for me, the main reason I teach fitness classes is so I can get my workout in while I teach. Two birds with one stone, right? But for a yoga teacher, she spends the majority of her teaching time walking around the room and correcting alignment instead of joining the practice. Which is as it should be. Yoga requires such control of ones limbs that I appreciate each and every correction from my teachers. Obviously if they were practicing too, they wouldn’t be able to keep a sharp eye out for misalignments and contraindications.
7. Yoga teachers are gentle.  They ease their students into whatever it is they’re trying to get them to do, motivate through positive reinforcement and a light touch instead of pushing. Me? I’m a pusher. A yeller, even.
8. Yoga teachers care enough to learn the background and history of their practice. Me? I do care, I just won’t ever care enough to retain the info.
9. Yoga teachers are patient. A real yoga teaching credential requires at least 200 hours of learning time. And I think that’s in a classroom setting, not self-study. Me? I’m an instant gratification kinda girl. I don’t know that I can hang on to 200 hours of classroom time (let alone retain the information).
10. Yoga teachers are spiritual beings. As a whole, they believe in the power of the Earth, the elements, and the intrinsic goodness of people. I haven’t met one cynical yoga teacher yet who thinks the planet is doomed. I’m sure they’re out there somewhere, these yoga-teaching closet cynics, and if I became I teacher, I’d join their ranks.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I should leave the yoga teaching to the professionals. I’ll just be another happy student on the mat.

ASIDE: I can’t believe I haven’t blogged about So You Think You Can Dance! Correcting this oversight tomorrow. Don’t forget to watch tonight!

This entry was posted on June 10, 2010 at 12:36 pm and is filed under Yoga . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.